Sense
by BlackSpark
Summary: Osamu died-but that doesn't mean he still wasn't looking out for his brother. Osamu learns the hard way how things can change, as he watches Ken develop from being innocent to full of darkness. The change didn't seem to make sense-but not everything does.


A/N: Yes, I am alive. First off, I apologize to any authors whose works I haven't reviewed lately. I've been busy

Akira: ****coughslazycoughs

BlackSpark: glares Secondly, I'd like to thank anyone who's reviewed my other stories. I hope you guys all enjoy this one, there's not a whole lot of fics with Osamu in them, and I've been interested in writing one with him in it for a while. Not every event I mention in here happens right after the other, I skipped some over so it wouldn't be too dragged out. Deciding how to write out Osamu was a bit difficult for me, considering we have only two memories to go by-one with him being sweet, and in the other, being a bit...mean. Though Osamu is a ghost, I have him do humanlike things (being able to cry, shake, etc) because it helps make the story more effective. I hope you guys like this fic, and please review!

**Sense**

**By BlackSpark**

It didn't make sense.

Things had always made sense…to him, anyway. He always had an answer for everything; there was no problem he couldn't solve.

But then...how come he couldn't understand it this time?

He had long before gotten over the fact that he was dead. That he could no longer talk to his family, friends…any of them. He knew it was inevitable…he just didn't expect it to happen so soon. He could still see them; watch them, hear them, understand them better than he ever did when he was alive, but they couldn't see him. Or hear him. Or understand him…not anymore.

Not like they had in the first place.

He excelled at logical things and this was no where near logical; yet, somehow even this made sense. His own death. The life his spirit lived afterwards. He never could put into words why, but it just felt…right.

But this…this was no where near that level. He couldn't explain it because he just didn't understand it. It didn't make any sense. None at all. And for the first time, he didn't have the answer to why it was happening.

But for the first time, he didn't care.

All he could do was sit and watch. No interference. It made sense, like almost everything else, but it didn't seem fair. Not anymore.

Why was he doing it? Why was his kid brother-his sweet, innocent kid brother-doing these things?

He didn't get it...he couldn't. Maybe he didn't want to. But it didn't matter.

All that mattered was that for the first time ever since he was a baby, Osamu Ichijouji cried.

Ghosts crying. Even that made sense.

But none of this did.

It was scary.

Scary that his brother-Ken of all people-was doing such…_horrible_ things. Hurting innocent digimon, putting kids in danger of getting hurt. It wasn't like him. Not one bit.

_Maybe you didn't really know him like you thought_. Osamu shook his head, shutting his eyes closed. _But…this isn't like him. Why on earth is he doing these things?_

_You._

Osamu's eyes squinted open, shining with curiosity. It almost seemed like he was confused by his own thought. _Me? What does this have to do with me?_

_It's because of you. It's your fault._

The boy's ghost's eyes widened, blinking in surprise. _What? My fault? How is any of this my fault?_

_Take a good look at him Ichijouji. _

Osamu, curious as ever, glanced down at the image of his brother. At first, his expression remained blank, perhaps with a tad bit on confusion thrown in. However, realization dawned on his face as he let out a small gasp of surprise.

His appearance.... Ken's face resembled much of how his older brother's face looked when he was alive. His blue hair was in the same style, as the glasses only added to the resemblance. Osamu stared down at him for a long time, not noticing how much he was shaking. _Me…he, he looks like…me…_

He took a shaky breath as an overload of thoughts raced through his mind. _Is this…what he thinks of me? Does he think I'm that cruel? Is this behavior what he associates with my memory?_

And then he understood it.

_I stole away all of the attention…mom and dad barely gave him any praise. It was always given to me; 'Osamu's such a smart boy, such a helpful boy, so gifted'. But they never said a word about him. Not once. They always were more interested in me._

_Not like you were any better._

Osamu snapped back to "reality", his eyes showing a hint of fear from that last thought. _But…I…_

_I wasn't._

_I was just as bad as they were…I played with him sometimes, talked to him a little, but 'every now and then' doesn't make up for years full of neglect. He was jealous of me. He…he hated me! And now…look at him. And it's all my fault. _

Osamu loved his parents. He really did. But the three of them really screwed it up this time. He hated to admit that he did something wrong…but this time it was for a different reason.

_You're not a frigging genius. You're an idiot._

Osamu fell down to his knees. For once, he wasn't concerned about logical things; like why he, as a ghost, was able to kneel, or why the world Ken journeyed to even existed. For once, he felt like a nobody, like his whole life hadn't had the slightest bit of importance to it; only that, in avertedly, he had somehow created a monster out of his sweet brother.

And it finally made sense.

He wished it didn't.

He had to watch it. Every. Single. Day.

Watch as his brother caused harm to others, whether they were human or not. Watch as Ken took more and more self destructive steps toward the edge. Watch as the darkness crept more and more up on him, until it consumed him whole.

Osamu clenched his fist, his whole body shaking. His eyes bore unshed tears as he watched the scene before him unfold. It was as if he had failed Ken; like he should've been there, should've stayed by his side, should've done the right thing and given the boy some attention. He began to exaggerate his own faults out of guilt, pity…

_Stop this. This isn't your fault, you didn't make him do anything._

_I was his brother. I shouldn't have ignored him, I was supposed to look out for him._

_But-_

Osamu shook his head, trying to clear his mind. _Stop it;_ _a guilt trip isn't going to get you anywhere. You can't change the past._

A tiny voice spoke up from the back of his mind. _I wish I could._

Osamu gritted his teeth. He hated feeling so weak, helpless. He was strong when he was alive, both physically and mentally. He could handle anything. But none of his abilities could help him now. There was noting he could do.

_Damn it Ken, why are you doing this??? This isn't a game, you can't just do things like this and expect to get away with it!_

Osamu groaned at the battle taking place in his head. He wasn't really angry with Ken; frustrated was a better word. _You wanted attention…and now you're getting it at the expense of others. This isn't you. You can't be this…this…_

He couldn't finish it. He couldn't bear to utter the word 'monster.'

_For Christ's sakes, he's your brother! How could you even think to call him that?_

Osamu took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He gazed back down at the scene taking place before him, eyes stony and serious.

_You like to win, Ken. But you can't. Not this time._

His hopes fell on the shoulders of the kids who were determined to stop him. The kids who tried to bring peace back to that world Ken was corrupting. At times it felt hopeless; Ken had a very clever mind and Osamu couldn't help but feel that the leader-that boy with the goggles-was too rash and impulsive at times. But there was something about him…the maroon haired boy was obviously stubborn, Osamu concluded, but that could easily work to his team's advantage.

_Or Ken's._

Osamu brushed that thought away, or at least tried to. There was the possibility that some of the team's characteristics would work against them overall. There was a possibility that they might not be able to stop him.

There was a possibility that maybe no one could.

All he could do for now was watch. And listen. And hope.

It just didn't seem to be enough.

_Not like anything you did was._

And finally, it happened.

He was defeated. Ken had finally lost.

And Osamu had never felt so relieved about someone he cared about losing something. Actually, he never felt so relieved in his entire life.

Ken wasn't dead. He wasn't going to hurt anyone anymore.

But he was hurting. A lot.

That realization dug into his heart like a knife as his happiness began to fade with the sight of his brother. Ken had a long way to go. A very, very long way. And unfortunately, it would have numerous obstacles and setbacks.

He only hoped Ken would prove the be strong enough to handle it.

_This will be your last reign as the Kaiser. _Osamu thought determinedly. _This is not going to happen ever again. This is your downfall…but you will pick yourself up. You will learn to walk again. And I will be there through all of it._

It surprised him. Almost amused him, actually.

It's not everyday you see a "good guy" willing to befriend his enemy.

Osamu raised his eyebrows as he watched the boy-the leader he had passed off as a stupid git when he first saw him-approach his brother. _What does he think he's doing?_

At first, he figured it was going to be a lecture. He braced himself as he waited for what he thought would be a lot of harsh words directed at his brother.

But they never came.

Osamu felt his body relax as the boy-Daisuke, apparently-talked to his brother. It didn't seem to be that bad. But he almost jumped with surprise when he heard what came next.

_He wants Ken to be part of the team?_

Osamu wasn't quite sure whether he wanted to hug the boy or slap some sense into him. Nevertheless, he was caught off guard at the boy's invitation, as was Ken.

He could tell Ken wasn't ready yet, he was always good at observing people. Or at least, he thought he was. He smiled a little sadly to himself, watching as Daisuke tried once more to win the blue haired boy over. _Don't worry Ken. You're not ready now…but you will be. I promise. _

He felt himself stiffen as another thought erupted in his mind.

_You were never good with keeping promises, Osamu._

Osamu stood in stony, reflective silence, watching as Daisuke and Ken went their separate ways. _Maybe so...but times change. People change. And unfortunately, it took Ken to show me that._

Osamu wasn't sure if he had felt pride for anyone other than himself. At least while he was living. But he felt it for the first time as he watched Ken.

As he watched him overcome all the inner darkness his soul contained, his friends helping him along the way. As he watched him make amends for his past. As he watched them help those other kids who were falling into the same trap he did.

Osamu cried at that last battle. But it wasn't because of sadness this time; it was because of pride.

Osamu wondered if he could ever do what Ken had. If he would've become the Kaiser instead of Ken if he was still living. Part of him didn't want to know the answer. Part of him didn't really care. All that mattered right now was that Ken was okay.

Osamu looked over at his brother's friends, feeling very grateful for all they had done for Ken. _You have no clue how much I feel I owe you_. He smiled softly, his gaze switching back to his brother. _They're forgiven you Kenny. You deserve it. _Suddenly, his gaze turned hard, as his eyes softened. _But have you forgiven yourself? Have you forgiven…me?_

He never expected to know the answer to that last question…but Ken went and surprised him once again.

He didn't know why it surprised him that his younger brother was visiting his grave. Families do that all the time…or most of them did. Osamu had found the "custom" too morbid (for him, anyway) for his liking when he was alive. But now…now it didn't seem all that bad.

_Maybe because someone's visiting you and not vice versa_. Osamu smirked, wondering if it did have to do with a 'small' trait of being egotistical. _I think that would be expected if someone was being praised constantly_._ It's not my fault if everyone treated me like I was some sort of god. _He was only joking with the last couple of comments, of course. Though Osamu was never that modest, he surely wasn't _so_ bigheaded that he thought himself to be above_ everyone_ else. He chuckled quietly to himself, though no one else could hear him anyway.

His expression turned serious as Ken sat down beside his gravestone, his gaze never leaving the younger boy. Even if he no longer had a heart physically, he could've sworn he felt it beating in his chest at that moment, curiosity rising in him like a wave in the ocean. Ken remained silent at first, eyes sadly scanning the words inscribed on the gravestone. Finally, he opened his mouth as a flurry of words began to come out.

"It's been a long time since I've talked to you." Ken said softly, unaware of Osamu's presence stepping closer to his side. "I'm not even sure what to say…"

_Say what your heart wants you to say._ Osamu watched him carefully, wishing he could give Ken a hug or just a comforting pat on the back. Ken took a shaky breath, looking down at the ground. "You must be horrified at what I've done…shocked. I was always the innocent one…the one who would never hurt a fly."

Osamu smiled a little at that comment. It was indeed true; Ken always was the type of boy that would bring a bug outside instead of squishing it. Osamu had always thought it to be stupid, but now it just seemed cute and part of who Ken was. He was always so gentle…like when they blew bubbles. Osamu blew too hard and they'd always pop, but Ken blew gently, sending transparent bubbles dancing in the sky.

"Imagine me, hurting innocent creatures…just for my own amusement." Ken shook his head, sounding a little bitter. Osamu's eyes softened, sitting down beside him. "I've come a long way from then…with Daisuke and the others to thank, of course. Without them…I don't know where I'd be right now. Who I'd be. The things I would be doing. And I don't really _want_ to think about it." The wind blew Ken's hair gently as he sniffled a little. "All I've been thinking about lately is…well…you.

"I used to think you were lucky. You always got all the attention…I was always left behind in the dust. I developed such a strong jealousy for you that I harbored in my heart…I was afraid of it running loose. But it soon turned to anger, and for a period of time, I thought I really hated you."

Osamu felt his own eyes well up, wincing at that comment. _I can't blame you Kenny…not one bit_.

"But I didn't really." Ken's voice cracked slightly as he rubbed his arm across his eyes, wiping away the tears. "I just thought I did. I never wanted anything bad to happen to you...but I didn't realize it until you were gone. I thought that it was my fault; that somehow my wishes had led to your death. And I felt guilty…I couldn't stand to see everyone suffer, supposedly because of what I 'did'. No one else blamed me, but I figured it was because no one else knew how I felt.

"I let it all build up inside of me, until it took complete control. My own unstable emotions led me into a trap, and when the dark spore was implanted in me, I began to fill in the position of 'resident genius' that was left vacant ever since you had died. At first, it felt great. But I became arrogant…cruel. But I didn't care. But after a while, it became…annoying. Everyone seemed pathetic to me, like a waste of space. I felt like I was superior, above them." Ken cringed a little at the memory, though Osamu could understand where he was coming from. _It's not easy having to act perfect, painting an image to show to the cameras constantly. Especially when you just want to be left alone. Even more so when you just want to be your own person, not just another fake celebrity. _

"Deep down, I began to understand why you felt so stressed, why you'd lash out at me sometimes for no reason. It from the pressure of having to be perfect…but I was young at the time and I didn't understand why I began to annoy you so much. I'm sorry if I got in your way or if I was too clingy or needy. I didn't mean to bother you; I just wanted your attention. I didn't realize that even you needed some time alone." Osamu's 'heart' ached, feeling bad for making Ken feel so guilty. _There's nothing to be sorry about, Ken…there's no way you could've known. I should apologize. I wasn't much of a big brother. I was never there when you needed me._ "I'd finally gotten what I wanted…but I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would. Life just seemed too…average. Boring. I needed some amusement…and unfortunately, I turned to violence to solve that."

Ken paused for a moment, taking some time to collect his thoughts. Osamu's eyes scanned over Ken as he thought about how much his younger brother had changed. He felt very grateful that his family had managed to stay together through everything that had happened to them. _Poor mom and dad…they've had to deal with more than any average family does._ Osamu suddenly felt very thankful for all they had done for him. Though they had their faults-and though Osamu hadn't treated them as nicely as he should have when he was alive-they really were caring parents, and to try their hardest despite what they had been through proved them to be very strong people.

Ken continued on, glancing out into the distance. "I never really realized how much I looked like you during my time as the Kaiser; maybe it was my subconscious way of somehow stating I blamed you for how I ended up, that if you were alive none of this would've happened; almost like you betrayed me when you died."

Osamu looked on in shock as Ken said this, feeling like someone had just shot him in the stomach. Ken smiled sadly, looking down as he spoke in a quieter tone. "But I don't believe that. It wasn't me blaming you; it was me running away from who I really blamed-myself. Maybe it was some desperate attempt to try and convince myself that it wasn't my fault. But…it was. I made the choice, not you.

"The truth is, you never would've let me do that. You would've made sure I was okay. You looked out for me, even if you appeared to be distant most of the time-because you cared. Remember that time when I got an A on my spelling test, but you had gotten 100 on your math test? Mom and dad were busy congratulating you, so I slipped back into my room when no one was looking. But you came in and told me what a good job I did, and then you snuck me some extra snacks afterwards." Both blue haired boys smiled fondly at the memory, their spirits being lifted a little. "I know you're watching out for me, Osamu…even if I can't see you, I know you can see me and watch over me like you always have." Ken sounded a little choked up as he fought back the tears forming in his eyes. "And for that, I thank you. For watching over me. For caring. For being and always acting like my oniichan."

Osamu felt his eyes well up, wishing he could hold his brother in that one moment. A few lonely tears escaped Ken's eyes, as both he and Osamu whispered one, solitary sentence together.

"I love you."

Osamu smiled as he watched Ken get up, feeling as though a great weight had been lifted of both their shoulders. They missed each other, they always would, and it would always hurt. But they were okay now. They were finally free.

The wind pushed at Ken's retreating back as Osamu floated higher in the sky. It was then Osamu learned something, something no amount of studying could teach-not everything made sense. There wasn't always a logical explanation. Some things just…happened, without the slightest hint or warning. Some things were deeper than mere calculations. Emotions get involved. The past gets involved. Outside forces get involved. Not everything is made to make sense. But for the first time, he didn't mind.

And for once…

He gladly accepted it.

THE END

A/N: Well...that's it. My longest one yet.

Akira: And it has your longest author notes yet.

BlackSpark: Akira's only mad because I called him a bad muse

Akira: I am not a bad muse.

BlackSpark: But anyway, I hope you guys all enjoyed…please review, and thanks for reading!


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